Tweaking the Settings on the 2020 Election
Imagine along with me that except for two privileged outside observers, we all wake up tomorrow morning and find ourselves part of a magical real-life simulation where — just for kicks — we re-run the 2020 election year a little differently.
Let’s call it “SimCity: Politics Edition.”
In this proposed simulation, this time Joe Biden is the Republican nominee and Donald Trump is on the Democratic ticket — that’s right, their parties are switched, and as far as everyone knows, this is how it’s always been.
Our two outside observers will be the only ones who know it’s only a game, sort of a “let’s see what happens if.” They will be sitting in their control room, an array of television monitors on every wall, watching what happens in this alternate reality election campaign re-do.
Here is what I am ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN the observers would see:
They would see a news media with gushing, tingles-up-the-leg coverage of Democrat Donald Trump’s every move. There would be a segment where a reporter accompanies him to the hair salon to reveal the secrets of his signature “do” which is fast becoming the style every man seeks and every woman adores. Lifestyle magazines would rush to do photo spreads of Mar A Lago with starry-eyed descriptions of the privileged, but amazingly down-to-earth visitors who run in such rare society.
Trumpisms would proudly be on everyone’s lips. His pithier tweets — even those charming, everyman, misspelled ones — would be emblazoned on t-shirts. He would be lauded for his disdain of the Washington status quo. They might even call him “a maverick,” “refreshingly bold” or a “fighter for the people.” His tough talk and unpolished manner would especially be singled out and hailed as his greatest asset. Burger King would name a meal after him.
Wife Melania would be similarly feted and hailed as the most graceful and beautiful First Lady since Jackie Kennedy. She would adorn countless magazine covers while sporting her own clothing, perfume, and make-up line. She would be a much sought-after speaker and an inspiration to little girls everywhere. People would talk adoringly about her cute accent and they would revel in her “real American story” of an immigrant from a poor country working her way up to the highest of heights.
The news, however, for Republican Joe Biden would not be so good.
His coverage in the media clocks in at ninety-two percent negative, the exact thing Republican Trump faces today. You see, a scant seven percent of the media is registered Republican and the only thing our simulation changed is the letter that comes after the two men’s names. The media would only see that nasty red “R” of Biden’s and proceed accordingly to seek and destroy.
Republican Biden would be dogged nightly by his strange propensity to touch and sniff women during photo shoots. Saturday Night Live would have a recurring bit in every skit where someone sniffs or fondles the hair or whispers in the ear of a startled female. The clip of him telling the tale from his lifeguard days of how kids loved to rub his leg hair would be a standard sound bite. Of course, Tara Reade would be all over the place, constantly brought on CNN as a guest and asked how she felt about Biden at every turn. They would mock his fake hair and fake teeth.
Democrat Trump’s record on women would be seen as stellar. The numbers of women he hired and whose careers he advanced when he was in the private sector, as well as the numbers he picked for his cabinet, would be stats everyone was familiar with. And his record as a father, particularly as a father of some incredibly tough, successful women, would garner much attention.
We would also hear scoffing reports night after night about how Republican Biden constantly lies (“My wife was killed by a drunk driver,” “I marched in the civil rights movement,” “I graduated in the top half of my class,” “I have three college degrees.”), how he is a plagiarist (had to drop out of the ’88 campaign), and how he made sure his family profited from Ukraine and China deals for son, Hunter. Investigations and accusations would seemingly pop up daily about things he did or said or didn’t say or should have said. It is relentless. Pictures circulate that show Republican Biden drinks water out of a glass JUST LIKE HITLER.
Additionally, everyone would be well aware of the indisputable “fact” that the Republican Biden is a racist, a white supremacist even. His “If you have a problem figuring out if you are going to vote for me or Trump, then you ain’t Black.” will be all the proof anyone needs, but they will have on endless repeat the time he called Barack Obama “the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean,” among other things. Everyone would know about his eulogizing of former KKK recruiter Robert Byrd. Someone even finds Corn Pop who attests to and affirms Biden’s racist past.
On the other hand, we would never see the end of Democrat Donald Trump receiving awards from minority organizations. There he is standing with Rosa Parks and Muhammed Ali to receive the 1986 Ellis Island Award. Look here at this video of him being praised by Jesse Jackson for his work with minority communities. We would constantly be reminded that Democrat Trump is lauded as a friend to all, with constant references to his longtime associations with Hollywood stars, sports stars, and NYC power brokers. They would clamor to be seen with him and campaign with him. Everybody would know of his legendary good deeds like the time he paid off a widow’s mortgage and other possibly-true-but-never-challenged legends. People would come out of the woodwork to tell how Democrat Trump gave them a chance and changed their lives.
In our nation’s schools, Trump with a “D” after his name would have songs written and sung about him by children: “Mmm, mmm, mmm, Donald J. Trump; mmm, mmm, mmm, Donald J. Trump…” Whole curriculums would be centered around his greatness. It would be the newest fad to wear “Make America Great Again” apparel on campus and teachers would berate any student who dared question Democrat Trump’s awesomeness.
Meanwhile, Republican Joe Biden would be the name uttered only with disdain. Third graders would come home to their Republican parents and declare that “I hate Joe Biden.” When the parent wonders where the heck that statement came from, the kid tells them “that is what my teacher says.” A call to the school is dismissed by the principal as just coming from some Right-wing gun-toting goober who doesn’t know better. C’mon, man! Everybody knows that we hate Republican Joe Biden! Don’t you watch late-night TV?
Through all of this, though, there would be those who dared to push back and say that Republican Biden was not really that bad. Times like this were a real emergency and any kind of positive opinion about him had to be quickly quashed. Twitter flagged as “not proven” the time he said “It’s a beautiful day out.” An informal but known-by-insiders list of approved media was deployed so that any positive thing said about Republican Biden could be dismissed as not coming from “a legitimate source.” Fact-checking services allied with the approved anti-Biden media scanned every word he uttered to make sure even an offhand remark could be trumpeted as “another lie.”
Meanwhile, mysteriously, it was hard to find any gaffs made by Democrat Trump. Some popped up now and then but an army of angry Facebook posters would gang up on anyone who dared mention his shortcomings. Facebook itself relentlessly found almost any attack against Democrat Trump to be false and labeled it so. If he happened to commit a particularly serious blunder and the rebel press made enough noise about it, sometimes it would make it into an “approved” news report. Usually this only happened after editors carefully crafted the best way to neutralize the attack and found someone to spin it in just the right way.
This goes on and on, just like we see today. Remember, our simulation simply changed the letters behind two men’s names; it didn’t change human nature.
As our observers watch all of this from their control room, they turn to face each other; one of them is me, and the other one is you.
I’m not surprised. Are you?